Some children grow up in homes where love feels conditional—where approval must be earned by meeting the unspoken needs of struggling parents. These children often take on roles far beyond their years, trying to save their parents from themselves. Whether it’s addiction, mental health challenges, or the scars of their own unhealed wounds, the burden of care is placed on small shoulders never meant to carry such weight.

To those children—now grown into adults—you deserve compassion. You were a child, doing your best in an environment that asked far too much. Perhaps you silenced your own needs to soothe a parent’s pain or shrank yourself to avoid their anger. Maybe you believed that if you just tried harder, loved more, or became “enough,” you could fix everything.

But here’s the truth: no child can save a parent from their struggles. And no adult needs to remain trapped in the same cycle.

It’s okay to leave a toxic home, even if leaving feels like abandoning the people you once tried to save. Walking away is not cruelty; it’s a step towards healing. Recovery begins when you allow yourself to prioritise your own needs, to stop waiting for approval that may never come, and to release yourself from the responsibility you were never meant to bear.

To the parents who struggled to extend compassion to themselves, this isn’t about blame—it’s about understanding. Many believed sacrificing everything, even their sense of self, was the way to be good parents. But children need connection, not perfection. When parents are trapped in their own pain, that connection is often severed, and the child is left to bridge the gap.

To the adult children reading this: healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean erasing the past or pretending it didn’t hurt. It means recognising that your worth isn’t tied to the approval of those who were too wounded to fully see you. It means allowing yourself to choose freedom over familiarity, even if that freedom feels foreign at first.

Breaking the cycle is an act of courage. It is a reclamation of self. You cannot change the past, but you can build a future where compassion—both for yourself and others—flourishes. You were never meant to save anyone else. Now, it’s time to save yourself.