Resilience - Yes

In person and online psychological therapy, personal consultancy and coaching services in St. Paul’s, Central London

Emotional Regulation: real and fake

Our emotional system is like a finely tuned orchestra, designed to help us navigate life in a way that is deeply connected to who we are. To be emotionally healthy, we need access to the full spectrum of our emotions—joy, sadness, anger, fear, and everything in between. Each emotion is a sincere messenger, offering wisdom and insight that our minds often overlook or dismiss.

The Wisdom of Feelings:
Feelings are profoundly honest. While the mind can become entangled in societal expectations, doubts, and overthinking, emotions tend to cut straight to the truth. They reveal what matters most to us, helping us understand who we are and what we truly need. In this sense, our emotions are more than fleeting reactions; they are authentic expressions of our inner world.

It’s important to recognise that the mind is not necessarily the master. While it excels at planning, problem-solving, and navigating external realities, it often struggles to grasp the subtleties of our emotional landscape. The mind might dismiss a feeling of sadness as inconvenient or label anger as inappropriate, but these emotions hold essential information. Without them, we lose touch with our core selves.

When we allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully, we gain clarity about our desires, boundaries, and values. This alignment between feeling and understanding creates a sense of wholeness and self-awareness that the mind alone cannot achieve.

Emotional Suppression vs Emotional Regulation:
In many societies, emotional suppression is highly normalised. We are often encouraged to “stay positive” or “push through” difficult emotions, leading us to bottle up feelings that are deemed uncomfortable or inconvenient. This suppression, however, is the opposite of emotional regulation.

Emotional regulation does not mean ignoring difficult emotions or pretending they don’t exist. Instead, it involves acknowledging, understanding, and integrating all our feelings without judgement. It’s about creating space for emotions to flow and inform us, rather than resisting or suppressing them.

From an emotional regulation perspective, there are no truly positive or negative emotions. Each one serves a purpose. Anger, for instance, can highlight where our boundaries have been crossed. Sadness allows us to process loss and connect to our vulnerability. Even fear, though uncomfortable, helps keep us safe by alerting us to potential dangers.

Honouring the Full Spectrum:
When we accept the full spectrum of our emotions, we honour our humanity. Emotions, like colours on a painter’s palette, are all necessary to create the richness of our lived experience. By embracing this, we learn to navigate life more authentically and compassionately, both towards ourselves and others.

Let us remember: our feelings are not obstacles to overcome but guides to embrace. They remind us of who we are, what we need, and how to live in alignment with our truest selves.


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