Life, by its very nature, comes with challenges and pain. Yet, there is a stark difference between the unavoidable pain of living and the emotional suffering we create for ourselves. Pain is often external and situational - the loss of a loved one, a sudden illness, or a professional setback. Emotional suffering, on the other hand, often stems from our internal responses to these events. It is the narrative we build around our experiences, fuelled by cognitive distortions, rigid opinions, and unjustified emotions.

The role of willfulness and strong opinions:

Our willfulness - the stubborn refusal to adapt, accept, or see things differently, can be a significant contributor to unnecessary suffering. When we cling tightly to strong opinions or emotions, we may develop a negative bias, viewing the world through a distorted lens. This tunnel vision narrows our perspective, keeping us from seeing situations as they truly are. For instance, an argument with a loved one can spiral into feelings of rejection or worthlessness, not because of the argument itself, but because of the story we attach to it.

Recognising our own distortions:

Cognitive distortions are the thinking errors that warp our perception of reality. Common distortions include:

Catastrophising: expecting the worst-case scenario.

All or Nothing thinking: seeing situations as all good or all bad, with no middle ground.

Personalisation: assuming everything is about us, even when it’s not.

These distortions fuel emotional suffering, sabotaging our ability to navigate life’s challenges with clarity and resilience. Without intervention, they can damage relationships, hinder personal growth, and erode overall wellbeing. Psychotherapy can be a path to freedom as therapy provides a space to identify and challenge these cognitive distortions. By working with a psychotherapist, you can:

Develop awareness of your own thought patterns.

Learn to question and reframe distorted thinking.

Cultivate emotional regulation and healthier coping mechanisms.

Psychotherapy helps break the cycle of self-sabotage, enabling you to approach life with greater acceptance and adaptability. It teaches you to distinguish between pain, a natural part of life, and emotional suffering, which is often self-imposed. With this understanding, you can begin to improve not just the quality of your own life, but also the health of your relationships.

While life will always have its share of challenges, we often make it harder than it needs to be. Recognising the role of our own willfulness, strong emotions, and cognitive distortions in our emotional suffering is a crucial step towards change. Psychotherapy offers the tools and support necessary to see reality for what it is, free from the biases and stories that perpetuate emotional suffering. By addressing these patterns, you can create a life rooted in clarity, positive connection, and resilience.