There are few experiences as soul-draining as being in the orbit of a narcissist, not the popular psychology version that simply craves compliments but the kind who quietly thrives on control, deception and manipulation. The narcissist won’t just want admiration, they want power over you, your choices, your money and eventually even your sense of self.
What makes this form of abuse so dangerous is how well-disguised it often is. Narcissists can appear charismatic, attentive and even deeply caring at first. They know how to read what you need, reflect it back to you and create a false sense of emotional safety and connection. This initial stage is intoxicating, they seem to truly “see” you. But it’s not your wellbeing they’re invested in. It’s what they can extract from you for their own gain.
The hobby of the narcissist is to take advantage of others. For a narcissist, exploiting others isn’t incidental, it’s central. It's their hobby, their strategy for surviving in a world they feel superior to and yet deeply threatened by. They don't connect with others, they collect them. You are not a person to them, you are a resource. Whether it's your affection, your finances, your social standing or your energy, their goal is to take as much as they can for as long as they can.
Narcissists do not form relationships. They form transactions. Once they’ve identified your strengths such as your kindness, your loyalty, your empathy, they will play on them. They may flatter you, idealise you, make you feel special. But their warmth is calculated. It’s the bait. Once you are emotionally or financially invested, they begin the slow process of erosion.
A hallmark of narcissistic abuse is the cycle of hot and cold, a psychological rollercoaster designed to keep you off balance and dependent. At times, you might be praised, admired, possibly even placed on a pedestal. But then, suddenly and often without clear cause, you are criticised, ignored or punished with silence or disdain.
This isn't random. It’s deliberate. The inconsistency makes you work harder to “get back” to their warmth, to be seen, to be valued again. It's emotional addiction in its rawest form. You might begin to question yourself. “What did I do wrong?” “Why has everything changed?” Over time, your sense of self-worth and even your reality may become distorted.
The aftermath: empty-handed, bruised and drained. The end of a relationship with a narcissist, whether romantic, familial or professional often leaves victims feeling utterly depleted. Emotionally bruised and psychologically confused, many are left asking: How did I not see this coming? How could someone who once cared so much treat me like this? Unfortunately the brutal truth is they didn’t care. They never did.
The narcissist takes everything they can - your attention, your time, your confidence and when you’re no longer useful or compliant, they discard you without remorse. They move on, often to their next source of supply, without looking back at what they have done to you. Narcissists do not admit their mistakes and would not take responsibility for their wrongdoings.
Protecting yourself is the real mission here. If any of this feels familiar, know that you are not alone and you are not foolish for falling for it. Narcissists are masters of disguise. Their abuse doesn’t show up as violence (though sometimes it can), it shows up as confusion, self-doubt and emotional chaos.

Here are a few ways to protect yourself:
Trust actions over words. A narcissist’s words often don’t match their behaviour. Pay close attention to their patterns, not promises.
Set and maintain boundaries. If someone reacts with rage, guilt-tripping or withdrawal when you set healthy boundaries, take it seriously.
Don’t explain your limits repeatedly. They heard you the first time, they just don’t care. Endless explanations only fuel their manipulation.
Value consistency over intensity. Healthy relationships build gradually. Be cautious of people who come on strong very quickly.
Seek professional support, talk to people you can trust and who can be relatively objective (not personally involved in the same situation).
Narcissists may present themselves as charming, kind and even vulnerable. But don’t be fooled. Their core drive is to take. And unless you recognise the signs and step away, they will drain you leaving you confused, depleted and wondering where your joy went.
You deserve relationships that nourish you, not ones that slowly hollow you out. Learning to spot narcissistic manipulation isn’t about becoming cynical, it’s about becoming wise.
Protect your energy. Not everyone who smiles at you has good intentions. Someone who is honest with you may not always appear charming or cute but it’s far better to hear the truth and know where you stand with them than to be sold a big, fat lie that leaves you paying the ultimate price.